It's the end of the day, the end of the week, and the end of another period of living a long-distance life. My husband's job is taking him away from home much more than desirable for a ideal family life, and as it turns out, much more than desirable for my sanity!
A few nights ago, I knelt down before bed to pray and heard myself say, "Father in Heaven, I am so grateful that this day is over." More often than I would like to admit lately, I am feeling at my wits end.
After having this phrase in my head all week, I did a quick search online to see what it means to other people. The result was a confirming, yes, I am at my wit's end: I am at the end of my natural ability to perceive and understand. I am at the end of my intelligence. Yup, that's it, it's all used up now. I have no more keenness or quickness of perception or discernment. There is no more ingenuity in me. My sanity is all gone. I no longer have sound mental faculties.
Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic. But holy smokes do I feel drained!
Take a look at this face
That is my daughter's face for "Hey, that's it! Don't mess with me!"--and I feel pretty much how she looks! :)
But in all honesty, I'm grateful for the challenge. I am being forced to refine myself in ways that I otherwise would not. I am learning about myself and my children in ways that I might otherwise not be able to.
I have taught my older daughter a phrase to help her when she thinks she can't do something. I make her repeat her full name and then the words: "I can do hard things." Today my sister said the same phrase to me over the phone, and it made me smile.
When I'm at my wit's end, I remind myself of who I am, and that I can do hard things. And then I find my reserves--some extra wit at the bottom of the barrel, waiting for such a day as this.