Friday, September 3, 2010

At My Wits End

It's the end of the day, the end of the week, and the end of another period of living a long-distance life. My husband's job is taking him away from home much more than desirable for a ideal family life, and as it turns out, much more than desirable for my sanity!

A few nights ago,  I knelt down before bed to pray and heard myself say, "Father in Heaven, I am so grateful that this day is over." More often than I would like to admit lately, I am feeling at my wits end.

After having this phrase in my head all week, I did a quick search online to see what it means to other people. The result was a confirming, yes, I am at my wit's end: I am at the end of my natural ability to perceive and understand. I am at the end of my intelligence. Yup, that's it, it's all used up now. I have no more keenness or quickness of perception or discernment. There is no more ingenuity in me. My sanity is all gone. I no longer have sound mental faculties.

Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic. But holy smokes do I feel drained!

Take a look at this face

That is my daughter's face for "Hey, that's it! Don't mess with me!"--and I feel pretty much how she looks! :)

But in all honesty, I'm grateful for the challenge. I am being forced to refine myself in ways that I otherwise would not. I am learning about myself and my children in ways that I might otherwise not be able to.

I have taught my older daughter a phrase to help her when she thinks she can't do something. I make her repeat her full name and then the words: "I can do hard things." Today my sister said the same phrase to me over the phone, and it made me smile.

When I'm at my wit's end, I  remind myself of who I am, and that I can do hard things. And then I find my reserves--some extra wit at the bottom of the barrel, waiting for such a day as this. 


  1. I am sure glad that you write your thoughts down Cortney, because they are so much of what I feel at the same time. Yes, my hubby is not fully gone yet, but I feel I am being prepared for when he will be gone for a lengthy period of time. I think when he finally does go a way for a while, I will call you at night when I am "at my wits end" and I know you will know what to say to comfort me and give me strength!

  2. Great post. Right now I still have hubby around, but not really. He works 16 hours or more a day, and we don't see him. And when he is here, he eats something and falls asleep immediately. No talking, no snuggling, nothing.
    It will get better. Give me a call, I am home during the day right now :)