The Comfort of Their Voices

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For as long as I can remember, my whole family has gathered at my grandma and grandpa's house on the weekend of general conference. Together we watch and listen to the prophet and apostles and general authorities of the church. I look forward to this occasion almost like it's Easter or Christmas or Halloween. We don't get dressed up or have lots of candy or presents, but the anticipation of how wonderful it will feel to hear their voices, the voices of the Lord's servants, and feel their love, is equally as great.

It is those voices, that have been one of the greatest blessings to me. Their voices are so familiar, it is almost as if I was listening to a member of my own family speak. There is a certain sense of comfort that comes from that familiarity. Because I have been listening to them my whole life, and because I can feel the Spirit each time I do, the memories connected to these men and women who speak at conference are rooted deeply within me.

I want my daughters to experience that same joy. It is the joy of obedience. Taking time to recognize God, to follow Christ, and let their words become a part of me--this makes me happy.

So on Saturday my little family and I watched each session of conference here at our home, just the four of us. It was quiet and peaceful and I was so proud of my little girls for their attentiveness. They colored and listened and asked questions. I could only smile as I felt that same sense of family tradition beginning within the walls of our own home. We went to my grandparents' house on Sunday, but Saturday was a day to create a memory for my children--the memory of feeling the Holy Ghost together, in our home, and recognizing the simple and sweet blessing it is to follow and listen to the prophet.

What is General Conference

This April was the 181st annual conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is held the first weekend in April and the first weekend in October. There is a special session to the Young women of the church ages 12-18 and their mothers and leaders the weekend before conference in April. The weekend before conference in October is a special session for all the women of the church. Elder Holland spoke about what conference is. I thought for those of you who are not members of the church, might like some insight from an apostle. Elder Holland asked us not only to ponder the messages we heard, but what a unique phenomenon General Conference is.

• There are no topics given. Each speaker seeks the Lord for revelation and guidance as they prepare to speak.


• They prepare there talks for members and non-members alike. "Those who know us very well and those who do not know us at all... To families, parents, children at home, those single, those with no children, those far from home, young, old, youth, middle aged..." To everyone.


• Conference is not just meant for members, it is to uplift others from any faith. It is to warn and expound on the moral and physical values affecting the world. It is for everyone.


• "When they speak on difficult subjects that most of the audience is not guilty of such things, but under a solemn charge to issue warning to those who are."


• For those who are doing all they can and the best they can, by teaching and listening with the spirit at least one of the speakers will speak for you in your own certain circumstances. "One way or another, God will have his voice heard."


• Every testimony is one of love and a warning. "Even as nature will testify herself will testify in the last days."

What a unique phenomenon conference really is. If you are not a member and are interested in watching, hearing, or reading some of the messages. You can find them here. Conference is always streamed live as well in April and October. I know that the prophet is real and that he speaks the work of God. We are so blessed to have a prophet on the earth today.

Higher Education

My daughter on the staircase of the library at my alma mater.

She told me today she doesn't want to go to college , because she doesn't ever want to leave her mama.

Awwww ...

I always knew I would graduate from college, and indeed I was the first woman in my family to do so. I had hoped to go to graduate school, but our all-wise Heavenly Father had other plans for my life. And I am extremely grateful. Then, to add blessings on top of blessings, there is General Conference. I know, Conference would happen regardless of whether I have a Master's degree. But since I don't, I like to think of it as a different opportunity for a Higher Education. Truly, every time I listen - really listen with my heart - there is always something said that takes aim right at my heart and teaches me exactly what I need to learn the most.

One such lesson last weekend came, as with Jen's post, from Elder Lynn G. Robbins' address. Here's what caught my attention:

"A sweet and obedient child will only enroll a father or mother in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong ... to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and an opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience and long-suffering and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?"

Now, I've always believed that our particular children are entrusted to us because we are the ones who are best suited to help them learn and grow. But I've never really taken to heart the possibility that our particular children are also sent to us because they are the ones best suited to help us learn and grow. And finding myself in possession of the blessing of being enrolled in Parenting 505, it really does make perfect sense. I hope it's a lesson I can keep remembering when my frustration rises; I hope I'll remember to think of those moments as blessed opportunities to become more Christlike.

Higher Education indeed.

Continue in Patience

One of my vices in this world is my lack of patience. It seems the harder I work at improving in that area, there is more around me that tests my patience. I want to know how to play that guitar in the back of my closet...right now. I want to lose 15 pounds...right now. I want my toddler to learn to get dressed faster. Notice how many "I's" are in those few sentences? Being patient isn't all about "I" or "me", but that's where the change has to happen.

Last week, I heard from a friend about the Stanford Marshmallow Study. Four-year-olds were asked if they would rather have one marshmallow now or two marshmallows 15 minutes later (watch a short video here - you'll be amazed, humored and impressed). The study followed the children until they graduated from high school and found a correlation between those who could delay gratification, i.e. be patient, to success and positivity, and between those who acted impulsively to stubbornness and lack of self confidence. My husband came home from the Saturday evening session of General Conference for the men of the church and told me President Uchtdorf talked about patience and cited the study in the introduction to his remarks, and I knew I had to know more.

So, what which marshmallow option would you have chosen? It's hard for me to say since I don't think I've always been lacking in patience. President Uchtdorf said, "Patience — the ability to put our desires on hold for a time — is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action and offers hope for peace."

There is hope for me to be a more understanding, patient wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend if I remember the reward that comes to those exhibiting self control and even long suffering - peace. That is, patient with those around me, patient with myself, and patient with the process of living a fulfilling life each day.

"Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most."

Mothers and Daughters

It didn't really hit me until about 4 months after this photo was taken, that I had a daughter. Granted, I didn't know she was a girl until the minute after she was born. But I will always remember that day, watching her sleep, when I really truly allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to raise a daughter. I had a blank journal on my dresser; I grabbed it and a favorite pen, and began to write. All the things I wished I could tell her right then. About being a girl in a world that is often so unkind to girls. About finding beauty. About women in her life, some of whom she will never meet, who have a hand in who she will become.


I've kept writing in that journal whenever I can, and I keep one for my son as well, buoyed by the remembrance of a woman I know who lost her mother at a very young age. I told her about my journal once, and she told me how she would have loved to have a journal like that, written by her mother especially for her.

This weekend, I have had the chance to reflect on the unique relationship between mothers and daughters. It's something I completely take for granted, and I don't fully understand, this intense bond between a mother and her daughter; or a daughter and her mother for that matter. I know for certain it's unlike any other relationship we can have, and that if we are mindful it's one in which both mothers and daughters can grow and be blessed together.

I especially took to heart this weekend the words of M. Russell Ballard, an apostle in our church's highest leadership, in our general conference. In one part of his address on Saturday morning he spoke of how young women behave and become so much like their mothers, it's important to be a good example (or, as once was told to me, be the kind of woman you want her to become). He advised that when they are faced with an often hostile world, their mothers are their first line of defense. And that even if they don't seem to listen ... they are learning from us all the time. He quoted Emerson: "What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say."

My relationship with my daughter is very young, and even now it still overwhelms me sometimes. I draw encouragement from my own relationship with my mother. I don't remember a lot of her specific advice from when I was in her care (even though I'm sure it was offered plenty of times!). But I astonish myself with how often I remind myself of her. It's a good thing she's just the sort of woman I want to become.

Our Mothers Knew It

As a young mother with two small children I have found myself feeling inexperienced and sort of lost some days. I keep finding it easy to justify my ignorance by basically giving myself a free pass to make mistakes or take days off from being mom. I shamefully catch myself using the excuse, "they are too small to remember." I think I'm desperately just trying to make myself feel better for messing up a day or spending my time "caring more for the deeds of doing then of the spirit". How do you find that balance?

 There are many times when I have tried to be that sweet, special, kind of mother who only talks gently and who thinks lastly about herself, and most of those moments have helped shape my family's lives but, I will admit, though, that there are other days when I lose myself in complete selfishness...big time. I have let my 4 year old play video games for way too long while I work on the house or try to get a project completed. I will see how long I can go...go...go without my sweet little baby girl really needing my attention. I then find myself at the end of the day wondering if I had even made an impression on them and wishing that I had taken the time to watch them smile, see them grow or even talk to them. Unfortunately that is when the guilt sets in. Discouragement takes over and wishing to begin again drains my soul. I am then faced with the choice of giving up or trying harder.

   After being literally filled with hope this last Easter weekend I found myself thinking a lot about this sentence: Alma 56:48

"We do not doubt our mothers knew it".

Do my kids understand what I know? Can they see it in my eyes even though they are small?

One of my biggest fears is that one day I will get up enough courage to ask them "What does mommy know?" and they'll say with that perfectly honest and childlike integrity, "Mom, you know how to clean. You know how to sew and you like to be on the computer." It makes me sad just thinking about it. I don't want to be known for that. I want to be thought of as a truly loving mother and devoted wife. That's all. I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes on Sunday as I listened to our church's General Conference:

"The love of a true mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love."

- Joseph Smith

I think that the day you discover you really know yourself and you have accepted who you are is the day that you will feel that true kind of love for your little ones. I don't think a selfish heart can grab hold of a Christ like love because a pure love is selfless and perfect just like He is. I think that knowing is the most important thing we can accomplish here on earth. I understand that a perfect knowledge of everything is unattainable right now but to know who we are and why we are here is key to becoming more like him. So...

My Goal: To become a mother who really really KNOWS.

As a jumping off point:

I know that with each new day comes hope...even when the sun is not shining.

I know that truth is evident when I am really trying to listen.

I know that when I am feeling lonely it is only because I have forgotten who loves me most.

I know that if I push myself beyond what I believe to be capable of, then I'm personally in for a neat surprise.

I know that I am a daughter of God.

I know that my kids were given to me to care for and to teach.

I know that inspiration comes anytime we seek it.

I know that my hands are to be my Savior's hands...to be used in any way He may need me.

I know that the gift of a second chance can be life changing.

I know what my mom and dad know.

I know that I can do better.

I know that He lives.

I know that one day I will become who He wants me to be.

I know that motherhood is the greatest kind of good out there.

I'm going to try harder.