Time

It's 2011 and a brand new year.  A year that brings hope and excitement.  A year that holds many experiences to be had and an entire calendar, empty, fresh and ready to fill with memories.  A year that could possibly be the best one yet.  Or it could be a year that will challenge us the most.  A white and clean and perfect moment to start over or continue doing good.  I love myself a new year.

Last year, 2010, was a rush for me and for my family.  Looking back at my planner and my old calendar I am amazed at all that happened and how my days were filled to the brim with both the things I loved and the things I had to get done.  I will admit, by my own fault, that I was an overbooked mother who only wished for more time in her day.  I know I did my best then and that learning from my mistakes is better then regretting or being disappointed in myself so I always hope to do better with how I use my time.  Who doesn't?

I did not play with my kids as much as I should have.  I did not spend as many minutes as I wanted with my husband.  I was on the computer too much.  I said yes to everyone including my own exaggerated expectations of myself and found each day, every day, to be kinda stressful.  I was killing myself by trying to be everything to everyone and here I sit now...puzzled by my behavior.  How come I didn't just say no? Instead of beating myself up about it all I am excited to try again.  I think I'll always wrestle with time but I hope each year brings a new understanding of how to manage it and how to prioritize. 

I know mistakes are what make us grow the most that is why my new years resolution this year is to relax and let time just be what it is.  I'm going to use it but not fill it.  I am going to remember more about 2011 then just being incredibly busy.  My hope is that by doing this and by finding time to just be still I will find a better me.  A mom who knows how to make time for her kids even on a busy day.  A homemaker who finds joy in cooking and keeping a beautiful home.  I am going to be healthier, happier and hopefully more stress free.    I will still be me and probably overdo it every once in a while but I am going to try harder to focus on relationships more then things.  Check up on me and keep me here...in this moment of brand new hope. 

Happy New Year!!!